Trunker in blood letting exploit

TRUNKER INVOLVED BIZARRE BLOOD LETTING INCIDENT

(THE GREATEST BIG JACKET STORY EVER TOLD)

Following his appointment as the "Sporting, fitness, and other health issues officer" of the UK Desk Chicago Branch Social Committee Trunker decided that on his first full day, he would throw himself into the role with gusto and try several sports.

He got up in the morning, had the classic athletes breakfast of bacon, eggs, sausage and mushrooms and then went for a brisk walk to the station and to work (on a Saturday!!).

Mr Beer came into the office too (another player in an all to worrying trend of weekend working) and at about 6:30 they decided to call it a night and they headed for Brehon Pub so that Big Jacket could review the electronic darts facilities there.

They drew 3:3, due in no small measure to most of Ian's scores being allocated to Trunker because he consistently forgot to press the change player button. They were then beaten by some locals in a game of cut throat cricket (actually a darts game!?)

Feeling that they had done their bit for sportiness, they went to Mr Beer's house for a Chinese - Trunker ordered, and ate, a bucket of rather poor chicken curry and then they headed off for a party.

We had been at the party 5 minutes when Trunker spotted some American "frat boys" undertaking a new sport, that he had never seen before - upside down beer drinking. It looked easy, so, naturally, he felt that he had to try this sport to see if it was suitable for BUTT or the UK desk social committee. Regrettably it turned out not to be so.

Six burly Americans held the interpid Trunkmeister upside down over the barrel (making comments like "200lbs? No way, more like 275") and another held the tap to his mouth. It was about this time that Big Jacket discovered that it is not possible to swallow upside down - the swallow reflex was there but another necessary component to getting beer from mouth to belly, gravity, was not. Rather than slide down his capacious gullet, the beer instead did a small detour and was ejected via his nose. It was then that things went from bad to worse. The wearer of the large jacket gave up and was restored to a more normal orientation.

As soon as he was back on my feet he blanked out and fell to the floor, his head hitting a paving slab with a resounding thud. Mr Beer recalls that he was unconscious for 2 - 5 minutes and that his eyes were swivelling. An ambulance was called and, under protest, Trunker went to the ER. His initial self-diagnosis of the necessary medical attention needed (a 5 minute sit down with an ice pack before continuing drinking) proved to be less than medically sound.

On arrival at the ER it turned out that he had in fact severed an artery in his head and lost "about 3 cups" (1.5 US pints) of blood before the said vessel was sutured and the wound was stitched.

Laundry experts have been consulted about the possible rescue of the white T Shirt that he was wearing at the time. At the moment it looks like a prop from the Texas Chainsaw Massacre but the signs are quite promising.

On his return home, his decision to renew his passing acquaintance with car driving revealed the fact that he was still concussed and unable to do so to the required standard (no change there then!). Fortunately, his landlady graciously said that the downpipes needed replacing anyway!